Cadet Corps' Blues
by Derpy.Heichou
Summary: A compilation of the mishaps of Eren and his gang go through the Cadet Corps. This is my very first time writing, so all criticism is welcomed :) Rated T for some swearing and minor-ish stuff. (Just to be safe!)
1. 1: Connie's secret (part one)

It was the dreaded day. He counted the weeks, which turned into days. It seemed so far away at the time, but now it was here. Cabin Inspection day. Even the name was enough to send a chill through Connie's spine.

"Shut up Jaeger, we all know that it's you who's gonna be on that Wall of Shame". Jean's voice echoed through the pavilion.

"I have to agree with Jean on this one" piped up Armin.

"C'mon! I'm not that messy." argued Eren.

Connie arrived at the table, with nothing but an apple and loaf of bread.

He tried his best to mask his fear.

"H-hey guys".

"Connie? Are you feeling okay? You look ill." Marco was now checking his temperature.

Gotta hand it to Marco, he knew when something was up.

Everyone now looked to Connie.

"I'm fine, just… hungry?"

"Yeah, so hungry that you're only gonna eat an apple and bread." Jean scoffed.

"Will you tell us now?" Armin looked pretty concerned.

"I'm honestly fine, just tired."

Marco was about to say something else but was interrupted by their Instructor, Keith Shadis.

"RECRUITS! WE WILL COMMENCE CABIN INSPECTIONS IN 30 MINUTES." barked Shadis.

As he walked off, Connie could feel his insides knotting up.

"Hey Sasha." the guys said to the food-obsessed girl walking towards them.

"So, what exactly is the Inspection going to be like?" Sasha asked, with her innocent face. All that innocence would be washed away when she knew the truth, Connie thought.

"Well, from what the higher-ups told me, the inspection is just to check each recruit's inventory, and analyze the cabin's cleanliness," Eren said, mouth half-full with a potato.

"There's an order in which what cabin and recruit goes first. How it works is that the inspector will inspect the first recruit in the order. Then he'll take the first recruit to inspect the second recruits stuff, and so on and so forth." Marco concluded.

"Wait, so if you're at the end of the list, then you have to have all of your cabin-mates plus the inspector go through your stuff?"

"Pretty much." Eren gulped down the last of his food.

"I heard some rumors that if they find something interesting, then you're taken over to the 'Wall of Shame'," Jean said with a slight grin.

Connie didn't need reminding.

"Wall of Shame? Wha-"

Connie got up abruptly. He couldn't take it any longer. How could they talk about it as if it was nothing?

"Huh? Connie? Where are you going?" Sasha shouted, running after him.

"Leave him be."

"Is it-?" Armin whispered.

"Manstuff...probably." Jean murmured. The rest of the guys solemnly nodded their heads.

Sasha didn't even want to know.

*Time skip*

"RECRUITS! IN LINE!" Shadis' voice boomed.

Connie gulped. This was it. He'd be lucky if he was the first one up, so he didn't have to have his mates finding _that_. Oh dear, he'd be in quite the dilemma if _that_ was found.

 _"Oh, why didn't I just get rid of it before,"_ he thought bitterly.

"I WILL NOW BE ANNOUNCING YOUR ORDER OF INSPECTION"

"UP FIRST IS BRAUN, THEN HOOVER, JAEGER, ARLET, WAGNER, BOTT, KIRSTEIN AND SPRINGER."

"IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?"

"YES!" the recruits echoed back.

Connie blanked. He was...last? Yes, the very last one.

 _"It hasn't become hell, it already was,"_ Connie thought.

He took a deep breath muttering his last prayers before entering the cabin.


	2. 2: Connie's secret (part two)

**Connie blanked. He was...last? Yes, the very last one.**

 **It hasn't become hell, it already was, Connie thought.**

He took a deep breath muttering his last prayers before entering the cabin.

Connie could barely stand still. His legs were shaking, his stomach trying to climb it's way out through his mouth.

Shadis moved onto each recruit.

"And what is this nonsense?" asked Shadis, picking up a stuffed bunny.

"It's..uh..um.." Eren's face turned a bright red.

All the guys in the cabin tried to stifle a laugh.

"Men these days," Shadis muttered.

"You're clear," Shadis said.

Eren's face was still red.

Armin and Marco were clear, but then he moved on to Jean.

"Please, do tell me what this is," Shadis said in a dangerous voice, picking up a _certain_ magazine.

"I...um..well you see...uh." Jean looked flabbergasted.

"UNACCEPTABLE! A WHOLE WEEK OF BATHROOM CLEANUP!"

Jean gulped. "Uh… yes, sir!"

"AND I'LL TAKE THAT." Shadis snatched the magazine.

"NEXT RECRUIT!" Shadis yelled.

This was it. He should have been ready for it, after all of the mental preparation. But, truth be told, he was absolutely terrified.

Well, here goes nothing, he thought.

"CADET CONNIE SPRINGER REPORTING."

"AT EASE SOLDIER."

Connie could only hold his breath while Inspector Shadis and his mates rummaged through his stuff.

"What in tarnation-" Marco stammered.

Damn, he found it. He'd been praying for the past 10 minutes that they wouldn't find it.

The boys gathered around Marco.

Their jaws dropped at his discovery.

Marco held a photograph, a dusty, worn-out photograph. However, you could still clearly see the horrific figure lying in front of them.

"Connie… you never told us that you used to have hair." Armin stuttered.

Indeed hair it was, and a head-full. For Connie's biggest secret laid in that photo. Connie and his enormous, gigantic, frizzy afro.

There was a pregnant pause. Then, it came. The crashing realization of Connie and his hilarious, big hairdo.

"Oh God Connie, I can't eve-" Jean and Eren were drowning in laughter.

"It does look rather ridiculous" Marco giggled.

Connie was horrified. There it was his secret revealed. He could see it now. The teasing he'd get. Connie's sullen thoughts were interrupted by Inspector Shadis' sharp turn.

"SILENCE!" His voice boomed.

Immediately the room silenced.

"WHAT IS THIS RUBBISH?!"

Reiner was brave enough to speak up.

"This." he turned the photo towards Shadis.

A smile did not crack through. Not even in the slightest.

Until…

Shadis' hearty laughter filled the cabin.

"WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS" he hollered.

Laughter filled again, leaving Connie even more dampened.

He tried to speak but nothing came out. Except for a small squeak.

This, however, got everyone's attention.

Shadis cleared his throat "UH, THAT WILL CONCLUDE THIS CABIN'S INSPECTION." he marched out.

Thomas noticed Connie's expression.

"Uh, I guess we're sorry for laughing"

Connie made another squeak.

Everyone except Connie started to make their way out.

Eren and Jean were still grinning about it, while Armin and Marco apologized and Bertholdt just patted his shoulder.

 _"Well, now they know,"_ Connie thought miserably.

Although he was embarrassed, Connie couldn't help but find the whole thing a bit amusing. There he was worried about them finding the picture, yet the worst that happened was that they laughed. He took a deep breath.

"Wait for me!" he hollered.

As the rest of the crew walked back, Marco felt something in his pocket. It was the photo.

"Huh? Oh..I should probably give this back to Connie." Marco realized.

He turned to hand it to Connie when Jean snatched it out of his hand.

"HEY! Give it back!" Connie tried to grab it, but Jean held it over his head.

"What? No way! Now that I've got this kinda dirt on you…" Jean smiled evilly.

Connie tried to get it back, but we all know how short our favourite baldo is.

"You're not serious are you?" Marco looked at Jean in disbelief.

"Stop him Eren! Eren?" Armin called out.

"And he's chasing a squirrel." Armin sighed.

"Classic."

They reached the main hall and took a seat.

"How did your inspection go?" Armin asked Mikasa.

"It was normal I guess."

"Where's Eren?" she inquired.

"Oh, he'll be coming." Reiner rolled his eyes.

"So Connie, find anything embarrassing?" Sasha had that maniacal glint in her eyes.

Connie's mind shot back to that.

Armin noticed his discomfort.

"We don't talk about _that_."

Connie silently thanked Armin.

Before Sasha could say anything else, they were once again they were interrupted by Inspector Shadis.

Keith Shadis stepped onto the platform.

The cadets rose to attention.

"AT EASE."

"THIS TERM'S INSPECTION HAS CONCLUDED. NOW FOR SOME HONORARY MENTIONS."

"CADET LENZ AND CADET ARLERT HAD A PERFECT SCORE ON THEIR INSPECTIONS."

The hall was filled with applause.

Christa blushed a deep red.

"NOW FOR OUR WALL OF SHAME."

Connie's stomach twisted as if it was a balloon animal.

He prayed it wouldn't be him.

"Look who's going up, Jaeger," Jean smirked at Eren, who'd arrived just in the nick of time.

"Shut up Kirstein." he grumbled.

"Why I'd oughta-" he started.

"KIRSTEIN"

Jean blanched.

"M-m-me…?

"UP."

He trudged along slowly, trying to ignore the laughs and snickers the audience threw at him.

This was truly shameful.

"NOW, WRITE YOUR NAME ON THIS PLAQUE." Shadis held up a brown, dusty plaque and tossed Jean a knife.

The crowd laughed as Jean's shaking hand engraved his name.

Jean could feel his cheeks flaring up.

"Keep at it HORSE-FACE!" Eren yelled, laughing his head of.

Jean shot a glare in his direction.

"NOW, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHY YOU ARE UP HERE."

"I...um...well… I sorta-"

"TELL US, WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN YOUR POSSESSION?"

"It… was… um…"Jean stuttered.

Shadis leaned his head real close to Jean's. He had that look, which made you want to immediately run away.

"Well…?" his voice dangerously low.

"A… a… p-porn m-magazine…" he was nearly in tears.

He turned around and observed the audience.

Dead silence, for a whole 15 seconds. Then-

Laughter, ripping through the fabrics of the sound barrier. The crowd was roaring!

Ymir, Reiner, Eren, Sasha and even Connie were cracking up. Marco, Christa, Armin, and Mina were giggling. Even Annie managed a smile. But Mikasa's look was pure disgust.

"Wow, Jean! Never took you for the pervy type!"

"Actually, screw that, I did!" Connie bellowed.

This was truly, the worst day of his life.

Karma is truly a bitch, he thought bitterly.

*Time skip*

Keith Shadis had just finished getting ready for bed.

 _"Well, this had been quite the eventful day,"_ he thought.

He chuckled at the memory of his bald comrade and his distant headful of hair.

And Cadet Kirstein- oh dear, he'd have to do that again.

What really made his day, however, was his new find. He secretly thanked Cadet Kirstein, as he snuggled into bed with his newly found magazine.


	3. 3 Jean the horse-face (part one)

"Jaeger, your head is as empty as Sasha's soup bowl after a minute."

He earned a few snickers. Jean prided himself on his smart-aleck, 'radical' and 'cool' comebacks and insults.

"Shut up horseface" Eren retorted.

Horse-face? Wow, how lame was that?

" _Jaeger truly didn't have any brains to come up with something better,"_ Jean thought. He walked off with a small sway to his hips.

"God Sasha, do you have potatoes for hands?"

"Damn it, you're more clumsy than drunk Reiner," Jean scoffed.

"Can it horseface." Sasha was picking up the pieces of the shattered dinner plate with a glare plastered on her face.

" _Again with the horseface?"_ Jean thought.

" _Wow, they've really got nothin' good."_ Jean smirked at this.

Mikasa walked very quickly now, desperate to get away from Jean, and his despicable flirting.

"Wait, Sweet-Stuff!" Jean called after her.

Jean started running after the raven-haired girl.

OMPH.

Jean bumped right into Annie, and watched as her stack of papers went flying.

"Uh… do you want some help with that…?" Jean asked nervously.

If there was one cadet that intimidated Jean, it was Annie.

"Fuck off horseface." she muttered under her breath.

As he hurriedly backed away, gears were turning in Jean's mind.

" _Horseface? I'm starting to notice a pattern…"_ he thought.

Jean lay awake on his bunk, with Marco snoozing peacefully underneath him.

 _"_ _All everyone's been calling me is horseface."_

 _"_ _Could this mean something?"_ Jean thought

 _"_ _Wait maybe…"_

He got up with a start.

Sweat was trickling down his face, while his breathing was staggered.

He creeped down the bunk's ladder to awake Marco.

"Oye! Marco, get up!" he whispered urgently.

"Whaa-" Marco said, half asleep.

"C'mon." Jean grabbed Marco's hand and lead him outside the cabin.

"Jean! What are you doing! If we're found out her-"

"Marco, calm down. There's just something I gotta do, and I need your help."

Before Marco could argue, he lead him to the stables.

"Hmm…" Connie muttered, waking up to the sound of noise.

He spotted Jean and Marco outside their cabin, hurrying somewhere.

"Where could they be going?" he wondered.

Connie tiptoed down and woke the rest of the guys up.

"Marco and Jean are going somewhere!" he whisper-shouted

"Uhgg… Connie go back to sleep…" Bertholdt groaned.

"Shhhh!" Reiner urged.

"But guys! Marco never disobeys rules!"

This was true. Like Armin, Marco followed rules like it was nobody's business. It was a code he'd live by.

"This is kinda fishy." Eren said groggily.

"Should we check it out?" asked Connie.

"This doesn't seem like such a good idea…" Armin trailed off.

Of course, they didn't listen to Armin.

The next minute, the five boys creeped out, praying that that they wouldn't be caught.

Author's Note:

So, welcome to my fanfic :) I hope your enjoying it so far. If you have any concerns or any criticism, feel free to tell me. Also, I will be taking ideas or prompts, so don't be scared to ask =D


	4. 4 Jean the horse-face (part two)

**"** **This doesn't seem like such a good idea…" Armin trailed off.**

 **Of course, they didn't listen to Armin.**

 **The next minute, the five boys creeped out, praying that that they wouldn't be caught.**

Meanwhile, Jean and Marco reached the stables. It smelt of old hay and sweat.

"Will you tell me what we're doing here?" Marco interrogated.

Jean took a deep breath and sighed.

"I need you to do me a favour…" he motioned to Marco to come closer to one of the chestnut horses.

Jean stood right beside it his face close to the horse's.

"Does my face look like this horse?!" he sputtered.

"Huh- What?!"

"You called me out here for this?!" Marco was close to edge.

"Please, just please help me…"

Marco could sense the agitation and pain in his voice.

"God, the things you get me into…"

"Thank you," he whispered.

What the duo didn't realize was that five boys had just creeped in with them. I dunno how they didn't notice, but the five were quite lucky.

They tiptoed their way behind a bale of hay.

"What are they-" Connie started.

"Shhh!" the rest of them shushed Connie up.

"Okay, stand close to the horse I guess…" Marco fumbled.

Jean leaned his face next to the sleeping horse, which was a relief, considering that it would have kicked him otherwise.

Marco furrowed his eyebrows, closely examining the two.

"Well… you, see…" Marco sounded hesitant.

"Well? Spit it out!"

"There may be a small resemblance…"

Jeans face immediately fell.

"But don't worry! It's not at all noticeable!" Marco tried to cheer up his dejected friend.

Behind the hay bale, you could hear the faint laughter of the boys.

"Oh god, did you hear him?" Eren was having little laughing fits which Armin kept hushing.

"They're gonna find us!"

"Wait, there's more." Bertholdt said.

The boys cautiously peered out from the side of the bale, just in time to see quite the odd sight.

In front of them, they could see Jean, their comrade, busting out a variety of poses and moves.

"If I pose like this then do I look like it?" Jean struck out his hips, and crossed his arms.

"Jean-"

"Marco, I need you to be honest. I need to find a pose that'll make me look less horse-like."

Marco sighed. "That's ridiculous."

"So, do I?"

"Well, if you at it from this angle.."

This, was enough to make the boys crack up. They would've been found if Armin hadn't shushed them.

"Oh, this is gold!" Eren could barely hold it in

"Damn Jean! You sure know how to shake booty." Reiner chuckled, as Jean now struck another pose, this time his butt sticking out. Connie looked as if he walked in on an old lady showering.

This went on for another hour, each pose getting more ridiculous than the other.

Finally Jean had to call it quits.

"See Jean? You don't look like a horse. You only had 29 out of 59 that made you somewhat resemble…" Marco trailed off.

" _Well, those idiots were wrong! They must be jealous of my good looks."_ Jean thought.

Jean wrapped his arm around Marco's shoulder as the two of them began to walk off.

"Are they gone?" a frightened Armin asked.

"Yeah, yeah." Connie replied.

The boys were clearly winded out of all of that silent laughing.

"I guess we should head back."

They slowly crept back to their cabin, and snuck into their bunks.

"I don't know how I'll be able to face you tomorrow morning Jean." Armin thought with a small smile on his face.

The five boys fell asleep, finding themselves enveloped in strange dreams (guess what they were about =D).

"Damn that horseface," Eren muttered in his sleep.


End file.
